Monday, January 19, 2015

CRAZY DOCTOR BUT SMART

Boy to a Doctor: My gf is pregnant but I always used protection

Doctor: Let me tell u a story..
One day a hunter mistakenly took his umbrella instead of Gun and entered the forest,
Suddenly a Lion  comes and stands in front of him..  Then the guy holds the umbrella and triggers the button.. And the lion is dead on the spot..

Boy: F*** off.. it's not possible... Some one else might have shot the Lion with his Gun....

Doctor: Exactly!!

BADO MTAMA....

1. Bibi kapigwa mtama na kibaka na kuporwa simu yake.

2. Bibi akaanza kumfukuza.

3. Baada ya kuona bibi hachoki kibaka akatupa simu chini na kuendelea kukimbia.

4. Bibi akaokota simu yake na kuendelea kumfukuza tena.

5. Kibaka akauliza. '' Bibi unataka nini, Simu yako c nishakurudishia?''

6. Bibi akajibu '' Bado mtama''

🏃🏃...........

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

WORLD BEST 8 QUOTES

Worlds 8  superb  sentences

--------------<>-------------

Shakespeare :👌

Never  play  with the feelings

of  others  because  you may

win the  game but the  risk is

that  you  will surely  lose

the person  for a  life time.

--------------------------------

Napoleon.👌

The world  suffers  a  lot. Not

because  of  the  violence  of

bad people, But because   of

the silence of good people!

--------------------------------

Einstein :👌

I  am  thankful  to  all those

who  said  NO  to  me   It's

because  of  them  I  did  it

myself.

--------------------------------

Abraham Lincoln :👌

If friendship is your weakest

point  then  you  are  the

strongest  person  in the

world.

--------------------------------

Shakespeare :👌

Laughing  faces  do  not

mean that  there is  absence

of sorrow!  But it means that

they  have the ability to deal

with it.

--------------------------------

William  Arthur : 👌

Opportunities   are  like

sunrises, if  you  wait too

long  you  can miss them.

------------------------------

Hitler : 👌

When  you  are  in  the light,

Everything follows  you, But

when  you  enter  into   the

dark, Even your own shadow

doesn't  follow  you.

--------------------------------

Shakespeare : 👌

Coin  always  makes  sound

but  the  currency  notes are

always  silent.  So  when  your value  increases
keep quiet

WORLD BEST 8 QUOTES

Worlds 8  superb  sentences

--------------<>-------------

Shakespeare :👌

Never  play  with the feelings

of  others  because  you may

win the  game but the  risk is

that  you  will surely  lose

the person  for a  life time.

--------------------------------

Napoleon.👌

The world  suffers  a  lot. Not

because  of  the  violence  of

bad people, But because   of

the silence of good people!

--------------------------------

Einstein :👌

I  am  thankful  to  all those

who  said  NO  to  me   It's

because  of  them  I  did  it

myself.

--------------------------------

Abraham Lincoln :👌

If friendship is your weakest

point  then  you  are  the

strongest  person  in the

world.

--------------------------------

Shakespeare :👌

Laughing  faces  do  not

mean that  there is  absence

of sorrow!  But it means that

they  have the ability to deal

with it.

--------------------------------

William  Arthur : 👌

Opportunities   are  like

sunrises, if  you  wait too

long  you  can miss them.

------------------------------

Hitler : 👌

When  you  are  in  the light,

Everything follows  you, But

when  you  enter  into   the

dark, Even your own shadow

doesn't  follow  you.

--------------------------------

Shakespeare : 👌

Coin  always  makes  sound

but  the  currency  notes are

always  silent.  So  when  your value  increases
keep quiet

FUNDI JENEZA

Fundi majeneza alipata oda ya Jeneza akawa anapeleka kwa gari lake.

Njiani gari ikaharibika, akaamua kubeba kichwani kumpelekea mteja wake ili amuwahishie mana giza lilishaingia

Akakutana na askari watano (5)wakiwa doria, akajua lazima watataka rushwa.

Askari;Wewe Unakwenda wapi na hilo jeneza usiku huu?

Jamaa:- Nilikuwa nimezikwa makaburi ya KINONDONI sijapapenda ndo naelekea KISUTU nikajizike au mnanishaurije ndugu zangu?

Acha askari watimue mbio

Chezea mzimu wewe...!!

HOW MANY TIMES

A bull was servicing the cows..

Lady asks to manager: How many times can this bull have sex?
Manager replies: 5 to 6 times in a day.

Lady looks at husband: You see?

Husband asks to manager: Is it the same cow every time?

No sir it’s a different cow every time.

Man looks back to wife: you see

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

KISASI CHA BALAA

Hili ni tusi jipya, very brand new
Jamaa alikuwa anaumwa akapita kituo cha taxi akaikuta taxi moja, akamuomba sana taxi dreva ampeleke hospitaji lakini fedha yake ilikuwa ndogo, kitu cha ajabu dreva alimporomoshea jamaa matusi ya nguoni na kumwambia akapande bodaboda kama hana hela.

Wiki mbili baadae jamaa akawa amepona na anapesa mkononi, akaenda kituo cha taxi akakuta taxi nne ikiwemo ya yule dreva aliyewahi kumtukana, akamwendea dereva wa kwanza;

JAMAA: Natafuta dereva wa taxi shoga niondoke nae ntamlipa laki

DEREVA 1: We mwenda wazimu nini hebu toka hapa.. Jamaa akenda taxi ya pili

JAMAA: Natafuta dereva shoga niondoke nae ntamlipa laki

DEREVA 2: Pumbavu mkubwa toka hapa

Hatimae jamaa akaenda kwa yule taxi dreva aliyewahi kumtukana

JAMAA: Aise sijui unaweza kunipeleka Ubungo?

DEREVA: Ndio shilingi alfu kumi

JAMAA: Haya twende....wakati wanaondoka jamaa akahakikisha anapungia mkono wale madereva waliobaki kituoni huku akionyesha alama ya kidole gumba. Akiwaacha midomo wazi

ZOGO KAMALIZA

Mwalimu kauliza swali darasani wanafunzi wataje  kazi za wazazi wao:

TINA: mimi baba yangu mfanyabiashara mama yangu mwalimu.

MWALIMU: Safi, haya juma

JUMA: Baba yangu dereva mama yangu hafanyi kazi.

MWALIMU: Vizuri, haya Zogo.

ZOGO: Mimi mama yangu malaya anajiuza baba simjui.

MWALIMU: Pumbavu wewe, nenda ofisini kwa mwalimu mkuu ukamueleze upuuzi wote uliosema hapa.

Zogo anaenda ofisini anarudi huku anatabasamu na anakula biskuti.

MWALIMU: Mwalimu mkuu kakupa adhabu gani?

ZOGO: Kaniambia nimpe namba ya mama...

🙌

Monday, January 5, 2015

SHERIA MSUMENO

Inakata kote koteee

DESCRIBE ME

Wife:"How would you describe me?"

Husband:"ABCDEFGHIJK."

Wife:"What does that mean?"

Husband:"Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."

Wife:"Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

Husband:"I'm just kidding!"