Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.
"Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies.
"I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith,
"I knew I could count on you!"
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer." the man began,
"I can explain,".
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer.
"I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."
"But officer, I just wanted to say...."
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said,
"Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell.
"I'm the groom."
A man goes to the police station wanting to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court" says the desk sergeant.
"No, no, no!" Says the man.
"I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!
A preacher was standing at the pulpit giving his Sunday sermon when a note was passed to him.
The only word written on the sheet was IDIOT.
Looking up at the congregation, the preacher smiled and said:
I have heard of men who write letters and forget to sign their names but this is the first time I will see a man sign his name and forget to write the letters.
During a bank heist the Chief told the Sgt. to cover all exits so the robbers could not get away.
Later the Sgt. reports to the chief.
"Sorry sir but they got away."
The chief very disappointed says, "I told you to cover all Exits!"
"I did" replied the Sgt. "but they got away through the Entrance
