Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.
"Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies.
"I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith,
"I knew I could count on you!"
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer." the man began,
"I can explain,".
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer.
"I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."
"But officer, I just wanted to say...."
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said,
"Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell.
"I'm the groom."
A man goes to the police station wanting to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court" says the desk sergeant.
"No, no, no!" Says the man.
"I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!
A preacher was standing at the pulpit giving his Sunday sermon when a note was passed to him.
The only word written on the sheet was IDIOT.
Looking up at the congregation, the preacher smiled and said:
I have heard of men who write letters and forget to sign their names but this is the first time I will see a man sign his name and forget to write the letters.
During a bank heist the Chief told the Sgt. to cover all exits so the robbers could not get away.
Later the Sgt. reports to the chief.
"Sorry sir but they got away."
The chief very disappointed says, "I told you to cover all Exits!"
"I did" replied the Sgt. "but they got away through the Entrance
Boy to a Doctor: My gf is pregnant but I always used protection
Doctor: Let me tell u a story..
One day a hunter mistakenly took his umbrella instead of Gun and entered the forest,
Suddenly a Lion comes and stands in front of him.. Then the guy holds the umbrella and triggers the button.. And the lion is dead on the spot..
Boy: F*** off.. it's not possible... Some one else might have shot the Lion with his Gun....
Doctor: Exactly!!
1. Bibi kapigwa mtama na kibaka na kuporwa simu yake.
2. Bibi akaanza kumfukuza.
3. Baada ya kuona bibi hachoki kibaka akatupa simu chini na kuendelea kukimbia.
4. Bibi akaokota simu yake na kuendelea kumfukuza tena.
5. Kibaka akauliza. '' Bibi unataka nini, Simu yako c nishakurudishia?''
6. Bibi akajibu '' Bado mtama''
🏃🏃...........
Worlds 8 superb sentences
--------------<>-------------
Shakespeare :👌
Never play with the feelings
of others because you may
win the game but the risk is
that you will surely lose
the person for a life time.
--------------------------------
Napoleon.👌
The world suffers a lot. Not
because of the violence of
bad people, But because of
the silence of good people!
--------------------------------
Einstein :👌
I am thankful to all those
who said NO to me It's
because of them I did it
myself.
--------------------------------
Abraham Lincoln :👌
If friendship is your weakest
point then you are the
strongest person in the
world.
--------------------------------
Shakespeare :👌
Laughing faces do not
mean that there is absence
of sorrow! But it means that
they have the ability to deal
with it.
--------------------------------
William Arthur : 👌
Opportunities are like
sunrises, if you wait too
long you can miss them.
------------------------------
Hitler : 👌
When you are in the light,
Everything follows you, But
when you enter into the
dark, Even your own shadow
doesn't follow you.
--------------------------------
Shakespeare : 👌
Coin always makes sound
but the currency notes are
always silent. So when your value increases
keep quiet
Worlds 8 superb sentences
--------------<>-------------
Shakespeare :👌
Never play with the feelings
of others because you may
win the game but the risk is
that you will surely lose
the person for a life time.
--------------------------------
Napoleon.👌
The world suffers a lot. Not
because of the violence of
bad people, But because of
the silence of good people!
--------------------------------
Einstein :👌
I am thankful to all those
who said NO to me It's
because of them I did it
myself.
--------------------------------
Abraham Lincoln :👌
If friendship is your weakest
point then you are the
strongest person in the
world.
--------------------------------
Shakespeare :👌
Laughing faces do not
mean that there is absence
of sorrow! But it means that
they have the ability to deal
with it.
--------------------------------
William Arthur : 👌
Opportunities are like
sunrises, if you wait too
long you can miss them.
------------------------------
Hitler : 👌
When you are in the light,
Everything follows you, But
when you enter into the
dark, Even your own shadow
doesn't follow you.
--------------------------------
Shakespeare : 👌
Coin always makes sound
but the currency notes are
always silent. So when your value increases
keep quiet
Fundi majeneza alipata oda ya Jeneza akawa anapeleka kwa gari lake.
Njiani gari ikaharibika, akaamua kubeba kichwani kumpelekea mteja wake ili amuwahishie mana giza lilishaingia
Akakutana na askari watano (5)wakiwa doria, akajua lazima watataka rushwa.
Askari;Wewe Unakwenda wapi na hilo jeneza usiku huu?
Jamaa:- Nilikuwa nimezikwa makaburi ya KINONDONI sijapapenda ndo naelekea KISUTU nikajizike au mnanishaurije ndugu zangu?
Acha askari watimue mbio
Chezea mzimu wewe...!!
A bull was servicing the cows..
Lady asks to manager: How many times can this bull have sex?
Manager replies: 5 to 6 times in a day.
Lady looks at husband: You see?
Husband asks to manager: Is it the same cow every time?
No sir it’s a different cow every time.
Man looks back to wife: you see
Hili ni tusi jipya, very brand new
Jamaa alikuwa anaumwa akapita kituo cha taxi akaikuta taxi moja, akamuomba sana taxi dreva ampeleke hospitaji lakini fedha yake ilikuwa ndogo, kitu cha ajabu dreva alimporomoshea jamaa matusi ya nguoni na kumwambia akapande bodaboda kama hana hela.
Wiki mbili baadae jamaa akawa amepona na anapesa mkononi, akaenda kituo cha taxi akakuta taxi nne ikiwemo ya yule dreva aliyewahi kumtukana, akamwendea dereva wa kwanza;
JAMAA: Natafuta dereva wa taxi shoga niondoke nae ntamlipa laki
DEREVA 1: We mwenda wazimu nini hebu toka hapa.. Jamaa akenda taxi ya pili
JAMAA: Natafuta dereva shoga niondoke nae ntamlipa laki
DEREVA 2: Pumbavu mkubwa toka hapa
Hatimae jamaa akaenda kwa yule taxi dreva aliyewahi kumtukana
JAMAA: Aise sijui unaweza kunipeleka Ubungo?
DEREVA: Ndio shilingi alfu kumi
JAMAA: Haya twende....wakati wanaondoka jamaa akahakikisha anapungia mkono wale madereva waliobaki kituoni huku akionyesha alama ya kidole gumba. Akiwaacha midomo wazi
Mwalimu kauliza swali darasani wanafunzi wataje kazi za wazazi wao:
TINA: mimi baba yangu mfanyabiashara mama yangu mwalimu.
MWALIMU: Safi, haya juma
JUMA: Baba yangu dereva mama yangu hafanyi kazi.
MWALIMU: Vizuri, haya Zogo.
ZOGO: Mimi mama yangu malaya anajiuza baba simjui.
MWALIMU: Pumbavu wewe, nenda ofisini kwa mwalimu mkuu ukamueleze upuuzi wote uliosema hapa.
Zogo anaenda ofisini anarudi huku anatabasamu na anakula biskuti.
MWALIMU: Mwalimu mkuu kakupa adhabu gani?
ZOGO: Kaniambia nimpe namba ya mama...
🙌
Wife:"How would you describe me?"
Husband:"ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife:"What does that mean?"
Husband:"Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife:"Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband:"I'm just kidding!"
