KASTAMA SAPOTI NI NOOOMA

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations! ):

Operator:         'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'

Caller:              'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. '

Operator:         'What sort of trouble??'

Caller:              'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

Operator:         'Went away?'

Caller:              'They disappeared. '

Operator:         'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'

Caller:              'Nothing.'

Operator:         'Nothing??'

Caller:              'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

Operator:         'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'

Caller:              'How do I tell?'

Operator:         'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'

Caller:              'What's a sea-prompt?'

Operator:         'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'

Caller:              'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

Operator:         'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'

Caller:              'What's a monitor?'

Operator:         'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'

Caller:               'I don't know.'

Operator:          'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'

Caller:              'Yes, I think so.'

Operator:         'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Caller:              'Yes, it is.'

Operator:         'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'

Caller:               'No.'

Operator:          'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'

Caller:               'Okay, here it is.'

Operator:          'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'

Caller:               'I can't reach.'

Operator:          'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'

Caller:               'No.'

Operator:          'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'

Caller:               'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'

Operator:          'Dark??'

Caller:               'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.

Operator:          'Well, turn on the office light then.'

Caller:               'I can't.'

Operator:          'No? Why not??'

Caller:               'Because there's a power failure.'

Operator:          'A power....... .. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.

Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'

Caller:               'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'

Operator:          'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'

Caller:               'Really? Is it that bad?'

Operator:          'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

Caller:               'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'

Operator:          'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a computer!!!! !